First post...lettting it all out..sorta I guess

Hi, my name is Paul, I'm 45
I live in The New Forest in Hampshire in England
I guess this blog is just a vent for the pain & loneliness I have had to deal  with since I can remember. I don't have anyone that I can "spill my guts" to. Maybe this blog will be some sort of release or something for me or someone in the same situation or mental state as me.
I grew up in Australia although I was born in the UK.
As far back as I can recall, I've never felt wanted or loved.
I guess that ever since I found out that I was put up for adoption at 4 days old (my adopted parents told me on my 13th  birthday ...gee thanks for that..what a gift)...I guess I felt that nobody ever wanted me.

Right let me say now that I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression a long time ago. In 1990 for the first time, not that anything was done about it. I tried to hang myself. I don't know why to be honest. I just didn't want to exist anymore. The tiniest hassle became an insurmountable problem and killing myself seemed to be a perfectly logical way of sorting it out. My marriage had failed. My ex-wife had taken my daughter away and I was left alone. I had moved to an area of Brisbane where I didn't know anyone, but all my now ex-wife's family and friends all lived.