One step forward, take 2 back

Well the title says it all really. Every time I think I'm making some progress to get my life in order, something comes along and shoots me down in flames again. I will keep trying but sometimes I do really just feel like crawling under a rock & saying f**k it. It doesn't even have to be a big thing that does it either. Just seeing certain people or in this case, person, when I'm out can ruin my whole night as happened Saturday.
I was having a surprisingly good evening until my ex GF walked in. The fact that she hasn't spoken to me in the past 3 weeks since my breakdown is very upsetting to me.

Maybe it's the lack of things to look forward to in my life that keeps me down. I haven't had a holiday since August 2009. I can't really afford to meet my monthly outgoings, so there is no way I can justify spending money I need to keep myself fed & a roof over my head on a trip away. To be honest, the thought of going away on my own scares the crap out of me anyway.

I find my self withdrawing into the safety of my flat more & more. It really is an effort to just to get my Lycra on and go out on my bike. I love it when I'm out riding but the effort it takes to get ready, check my bike over, carry it down the stairs is enough to put me off doing it. It's no excuse really I know, just lack of motivation on my part.